wits

A man is as old as he feels, and a woman is as old as she looks.

Teacher: What is the meaning of matrimony?
Willie: Father says it isn't a word, it's a sentence.

The police are looking for a man with one eye called Murphy.
What's the other eye called?

Some are wise and some are otherwise.

A wise man changes his mind, a fool never.

limerick

Said the fair-haired Rebecca of Klondike,
'Of you I'm exceedingly fond, Ike.
     To prove I adore you
     I'll dye, darling, for you
And be a brunette, not a blonde, Ike.'

(to dye = a vopsi)